I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
