Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
