please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
