he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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