just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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