I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
