We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
