So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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