Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
