My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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