My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
