Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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