First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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