I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
