what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
