So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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