his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
