Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
