true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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