Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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