This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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