apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
