Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
