Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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