2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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