the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
