now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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