Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I didn't notice because vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
