woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
