hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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