oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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