He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
