Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
