me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
