So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
