No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
