you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
