Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
