Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
