I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
