HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
