At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
