tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
