I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
