Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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