I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
