Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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