Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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