you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
