just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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